Being Gay and Religious...

Religion and being gay

In this section we'll look at attitudes that various conservative faiths share about homosexuality. It’s beyond the scope of this website to talk about how all religions view homosexuality, especially since these views are shifting all the time. However you could apply the ideas expressed here whenever you encounter homophobia (anti-gay views and actions) that are endorsed and fronted by religious institutions. It’s important to remember that not all strands of any given religion have a negative view of homosexuality. Some congregations openly welcome and value the diversity and individuality of their members.

Thought you might speak to god via prayer, nobody can actually sit down and chat with him, so nobody can ask him what he thinks. You mostly have family, friends, teachers and religious leaders telling you what god thinks and what they think he wants of you. Their views will be based on the teachings of their faith. As we know, religous teaching are often based on very old texts and it's impiortant to remember that the writer will have been influenced by the opinions and beliefs of their time. Also, the person who draws on these texts puts their own interpretation on the subject and may be unwilling to question what they read in the light of modern day thinking. Do you think a religious leader who believes homosexuality to be wrong and one who has no problem with same-sex relaitonships would give the same sermin on a single controversial topic? As in any area of life, we often have access to the same information as oneanother, but that doesn't mean we'd all draw the same conclusions from it. There's a lot of interpretation in religion and people take from it what they want to. Many terrible things happen in the name of religion and much good too. Some people kill in the name of their god and the values they feel he represents, while some relgious groups embrace diversity, value individuality and seek peace and harmony via this inclusive route.

Homophobia in religion isn't about god - it's about how people treat other people.

The way they see it
Homophobic people within various faiths tend to share similar beliefs: that homosexuality is a choice; something a person opts into or falls prey to as a result of bad parenting, the interference of an older gay person or by growing up in a bad environment. They also believe that god intended people to be heterosexual only, that it was his design. It follows therefore that homosexuals oppose god and are sinners, conducting their lives in an immoral and evil way deliberately. These people may also believe that since homosexuality is a choice, a gay person can opt to reform, to be cured of their homosexuality, become heterosexual or ‘normal’ and find redemption and forgiveness through this change. Some religions may be more tolerant to a gay or lesbian person who is celibate (not having sex), so a same-sex sexual act is seen as sinful, while same-sex desire may be tolerated.

Is homosexuality sinful or evil?
Homosexuality is a natural variation of sexuality. In nature, rarely is anything black or white, or one extreme or another. Sexuality is fluid and can be thought of as a scale (see Being gay frequently asked questions for more on this). At one end you have people who identify as straight, and at the other, gay. In-between you have many shades of grey: people who are attracted to both sexes, people who have had same-sex experiences in the past, people who prefer one gender but have fallen in love with someone of the same gender etc. Many people, many scenarios, many variations on sexuality.

When you think about the bad things in the world, what do you think of? Perhaps war, poverty, environmental mistreatment, child abuse, bigotry and hatred, racism and homophobia? Two people enjoying each other through love and sex is a wonderful, natural thing. It can give us intense pleasure and happiness, a heightened sense of fulfilment and wellbeing. Most people desire these things - it’s human nature. When a man and a woman share love and sex within a committed relationship this is celebrated in religion, while two people of the same sex might be condemned for living their lives in the same way. Love should be celebrated, regardless of the gender of the people feeling it. Love and sex are not sins, and people from all cultures and backgrounds are enjoying both right now, as nature – free of guilt and prejudice - intended.

Homosexuality occurs in animals too. You may have heard of the penguin male couple, Roy and Silo, at Central Park Zoo in New York who hatched and raised baby Tango. Another story from a German zoo revealed that attempts by zoo keepers to turn gay penguins straight by introducing females failed. These birds are following their instincts. They have sex, they seek to become fathers, they are devoted to one another. Homosexual behaviour has been observed in other species too, so if being gay happens throughout nature, surely it’s not sinful or wrong, but rather, a completely natural and normal part of the natural world.
Is homosexuality a choice?
I believe that people cannot choose their sexual orientation. I didn’t. I’ve never met anyone who claims they have. Indeed, I remember being bullied in school for being gay before I knew I was! People knew I was different. Similar stories crop up over and over again. Puberty kicks in and you find yourself being sexually attracted to other people, and nobody gets to decide the direction that attraction points in. Since I started this website I’ve read hundreds of emails from young people who’d give anything to be straight. It’s deeply sad, but they want to be like ‘everyone else’ so they don’t have to face the difficulties that society levels at them as gay people. They would love to have a choice. But they don’t.

I truly believe – and science continues to suggest – that homosexuality is genetic; it’s biology. Just like hair colour or perhaps a natural talent for a given sport or activity. You're stuck with it, and it’s only a big deal when you or other people make you feel bad about it.

I’d go further here and say that if homosexuality was a choice, and some people opted for same-sex relationships for personal reasons, then that still wouldn’t make homosexuality a sin. The fundamental point is that two people sharing love, sex and life is not sinful. It can be wonderful. People treating each other unfairly, with bigotry and crippling their human rights, is wrong.

Can homosexuality be cured?
There is no scientific evidence to suggest that sexuality can be altered, and I believe attempting to do so is damaging to a persons mental health, and only instils feeling of low self worth, confusion and guilt.

Since homosexuality is not an illness or negative condition of the mind or body – it is a normal variation on sexuality - it cannot be cured. Some faiths believe that it is and can be. Can a straight person turn gay if he or she tried hard enough? No. And it’s just as ludicrous to imagine someone wanting to. I once knew someone who was significantly involved with his church and underwent massive pressure to become ‘normal’. The emotional damage was deeply apparent. He quit the church in the end, much as he loved being a part of it, because he simply couldn’t change who he was. Everyone who’s ever written to me via this website who has attempted to change or hide from their sexuality has been terribly unhappy, lonely and desperate.

Sexuality cannot be changed. It’s like asking someone to change their skin. Sexuality is deeply embedded in us, and I believe it extends further than simply dictating what gender we find sexually attractive. Why did the kids in my school know I was gay before I’d so much as had my first kiss? Why could I spot the gay guys in college, even the ones who wanted very much not to be noticed? It’s woven throughout our being, it threads though personality and body. People don’t take lessons in being who they are – it just happens. Sure, we’re influenced by the people around us and we can choose to hide behind a disguise, but it’s impossible to be anyone but yourself for very long. I believe the only way to be truly happy is to embrace who you are. The closer you come to liking yourself and everything that you are, the happier, healthier and more fulfilled you'll become.

Judgement
You might be gay. I bet you also like certain music, maybe have a favourite TV program. Perhaps you are good at something or you have a particular talent. Maybe you are known for something you do, or a personality trait that people like about you. You are not simply gay. You are many, many things. Condemning someone because of their sexuality is deeply ignorant and narrow minded – look at everything else you are.

By what measure would you judge a person? By whether they are gay or straight, or by how they treat other people and how they live their lives? Religion should value and welcome the individual, and celebrate what that brings into the group.

I personally believe that if there is a god, who created all things, then it follows that he created gay people too. I can’t believe that any god – being good, loving, infinitely wise entities - would create gay people with the expectation that they should be lonely, miserable and spend their lives in denial of what and who they are so that they might be tolerated by others.

Religious bigotry is fundamentally a human rights issue: homosexual people deserve the same rights as heterosexual people, in worship and beyond.
Will I go to hell for being gay?
When you imagine hell what do you see? Perhaps you imagine a horrible place where the souls of bad people get sent after their bodies die, so that they can be punished forever for the sins they committed in life. It's pretty scary to think about eternal suffering, fiery caverns and Satan. That's why so many horror films and books use imagery like this.

Now think about who you think deserves to go to hell. Perhaps hell seems too cruel and awful for anyone, since torturing people for eternity is surely just as bad - or worse - as some of the crimes that apparently earn a person a place there. Maybe you imagine really evil people in hell; people who hurt and even killed other people. Chances are though, you don't think of gay people, and I'm sure you don't think you deserve to go to hell for simply being attracted to the same sex.

Remember, if God made all things then he made gay people too, and he didn't make them to be miserable in life and be packed off to hell at the end of it. He'd have put you here to be a good person, to be measured by your actions and how you treat other people, and if there is an afterlife, to enjoy it along with everyone else.

Don't be frightened about going to hell, and don't be bullied into behaving the way other people want you to behave by their telling you that you'll go to hell unless you comply. We all have different ideas about good and bad, and nothing in life is black and white. Live your life well by your own judgement, and do your best in the things that you do.

If there is a judgement at the end of your life it won't be based on whether you've loved a man or a woman, because neither is intrinsically sinful. Being gay isn't sinful. Sex and love are not sinful. These are completely natural and wonderful parts of life. It’s the value we put on things that determine whether they’re perceived as bad or good.

Taken from:
http://www.bgiok.org.uk/being_gay/religion.html

The Beauty of Gay Males

What Can FAIR TRADE Do For the World?

http://www.worldfairtradeday10.org/

Fair Trade is an organized social movement and market-based approach that aims to help producers in developing countries and promote sustainability. The movement advocates the payment of a higher price to producers as well as social and environmental standards. It focuses in particular on exports from developing countries to developed countries, most notably handicrafts, coffee, cocoa, sugar, tea, bananas, honey, cotton, wine, fresh fruit, chocolate and flowers.

Fair Trade's strategic intent is to work with marginalized producers and workers in order to help them move towards economic self-sufficiency and stability. It also aims to allow them to become greater stakeholders in their own organizations, as well as play a wider role in international trade. Fair Trade proponents include a number of international development aid, social, religious and environmental organizations such as Christian Aid, SERRV International, Oxfam, Amnesty International, Catholic Relief Services, and Caritas International.

In 2008, Fair Trade certified sales amounted to approximately US $4.08 billion (€2.9 billion) worldwide, a 22% year-to-year increase.[1][dead link] While this represents a tiny fraction of world trade in physical merchandise,[2] fair trade products generally account for 1-20% of all sales in their product categories in Europe and North America.[1][dead link] In June 2008, it was estimated that over 7.5 million producers and their families were benefiting from fair trade funded infrastructure, technical assistance and community development projects.[3]

The response to fair trade has been mixed. With 10% of the fair trade premiums end up in the hands of producers some[who?] view it as little more than a marketing ploy. Others consider that this is sufficient to make a big difference in millions of peoples lives.[4]- WIKIPEDIA


Buy fair trade
You have probably heard of Fair Trade. Fair Trade is when people who grow and produce food (for example coffee and chocolate) and other products (e.g. clothing) are paid a fair price for their work. This helps make sure they have enough money to look after themselves and their families, and also makes sure that they work in safe conditions.



Choose fair trade products if you see them on sale. Look out for the ‘fairtrade mark.’


Fair trade advocates typically espouse a number of guidelines. The movement intends to provide market access to otherwise marginalized producers, connecting them to customers and allowing access with fewer middlemen. It aims to provide higher wages than typically paid to producers as well as helping producers develop knowledge, skills and resources to improve their lives. Fair trade advocates also seek to raise awareness of the movement's philosophies among consumers in developed nations.[6] Fair trade products are traded and marketed either by an "MEDC supply chain" whereby products are imported and/or distributed by fair trade organizations (commonly referred to as alternative trading organizations) or by "product certification" whereby products complying with fair trade specifications are certified indicating that they have been produced, traded, processed and packaged in accordance with the standards.

GOODBYE ¨DESIGNER LABELS¨ --HELLO, FAIR TRADE!

Choose to shop fair trade. Armies of pyschologists, scientists and marketeers have been trying to get you to believe you are not thin enough, not hot enough and not good enough without pricy BRAND NAME LABELS and products. Every time you fork over your money to a seemingly great company, they are keeping millions of third world country people, many of them children and women, enslaved and working for hours for ridiculous pay to stitch your new Hollister or Nike T-shirt. You have to buy local. Things made in the U.S.A, or Canada or Europe. You have to pick fair trade. Fair trade coffee, clothes, products. This is the only way to end the madness. Just because we do not live in third world countries does not mean we have to allow others to live in pain and suffering while providing our clothes and luxuries. Look for fair trade stores near you. Why would you want to pay so much money for a name or logo stitched onto your shirt!!!! (I asked myself that yesterday at the mall!) And you know what, you will feel GOOD knowing you are helping make the world a better place, instead of contributing to the evils of the corporate, capitalist society we live in. There is a way to fix it, and it is called change.

http://transfair.ca/

About Fairtrade
What is Fair Trade?
Fair Trade Certification
TransFair Canada
FLO International
Facts & Figures
Bibliography
Newsletter
Home //


What is Fair Trade?
Fair Trade is really about making changes to conventional trade, which frequently fails to deliver on promises of sustainable livelihoods and opportunities for people in the poorest countries in the world.

Poverty and hardship limit people’s choices while market forces tend to further marginalise and exclude them. This makes them vulnerable to exploitation, whether as farmers and artisans, or as hired workers within larger businesses.

That two billion of our fellow citizens survive on less than $2 per day, despite working extremely hard, suggests that there is indeed a problem.

Fair Trade seeks to change the terms of trade for the products we buy - to ensure the farmers and artisans behind those products get a better deal. Most often this is understood to mean ensuring better prices for producers, but it often also includes longer-term and more meaningful trading relationships.

One Size Fits All?
How this is done varies widely - how people practice Fair Trade is largely determined by how they understand the problems it's meant to address.

For instance, TransFair Canada manages the Canadian side of an international system that sets standards defining what Fair Trade products are, and provides Canadians with a way to know whether those standards have been met. The intent is to both bring clarity about Fair Trade and instill confidence in the public that it is not about empty promises.

However, neither TransFair Canada nor the international system it represents invented Fair Trade, nor are its standards the only way it should be understood. Even companies who meet our standards and whose products carry our certification mark often approach Fair Trade differently, and it's up to you as an individual to decide which approach makes the most sense to you.

Ultimately, Fair Trade appeals to our sense of fairness and common decency, and applies those values to the marketplace. It allows us to make a positive difference in the world just by the products we choose to buy.


You’re off to the shops, you’ve got your list, a tight budget and twenty minutes to spare. The last thing on your mind is helping people across the world.

But doing your bit doesn’t have to take lots of time, effort and money. By choosing to put a few Fairtrade items in your basket, you are helping people across the world to help themselves.

Fairtrade products are high quality products and the people who grew or produced the goods are paid a fairer price for their work. Being able to rely on a market for their goods, they can plan for their future and that of their children. They can build schools and clinics, put in a clean water supply, and expand their business so it employs more local people.

My Favorite Things Right Now

1. Wolfenstein 3 on XBOX 360. Try playing this with a huge Samsung or Sony TV and surround sound...it will blow your socks off. I used to play the original Wolfenstein 3D on my computer when I was ten years old, so this game makes me quite nostalgic despite the change in graphics and the upgrades and paranormal activity that was absence in the PC version. All in all, I rush home to play it and I think it is a super game. They have the game available for PS3 too, but I prefer XBox.

2. Lofts. I love them. They are contemporary, modern and beautifully designed architectural masterpieces. I prefer the ones with exposed bricks in the kitchen and living area, I would love a fireplace and the multi level homes are just fantastic. It is classier than an apartment, more artsy than a condo and the stairs make it feel like a real house instead of just a box. My fiancee and I are considering moving into a chic loft in the Westend, our friends have already hopped on the idea!

3. Cool, funky baby names. I see a lot of celebrity and New Age parents jumping on the idea. Jumping away from the traditional names like Amanda, Nicole or Samantha and giving their brood unique names like Autumn, Harmony and Venus or unisex names like Charli. I love traditional names too like Calvin, Montgomery, Princeton and Benjamin. Sometimes mixing them up like Autumn Rose...some old and new is fun too!

4. Activities that do not cost a lot of money such as : baking ginger bread men, decorating a gingerbread house, making a big home made pizza with a mountainful of stuffings (think of adding your favorites like pineapples and mushrooms!) and going for walks with the dogs. People think just because it is the holidays or a weekend they need to spend obscene amounts of money but it is not the spending of the money that you remember, its the good, heart-warming times! And there are a lot of inexpensive gifts you can get people, like going to a used bookstore to pick up a few classic tales or a used game store to give your favorite nephew an educational game like Scrabble. For fun, we like to grab our skates and make hot chocolate at home...putting the drink in our reusable mugs and spending the day on ice! It makes for great photos!

CAPITALISM sucks

http://www.democratic-capitalism.com/college.htm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Hdt87rhgSc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FavYp7KWv0&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJLaRhTKzw8&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vScTge8dfw4

“A thousand dollars is a lot of money,” Bob said. “It’s enough to stock a sizable retirement fund. Many of us are losing more in these fees every year than we’re saving for our futures.”

Bob’s book provides step-by-step instructions to help ordinary consumers fight back against the fly-by-night companies and the Goliaths that are nickel-and-diming us to death. So just when the book gets your pulse racing and your blood pressure skyrocketing, it shows you precisely where and how to channel your frustrations.

“Don’t feel helpless,” Bob advised. “There is help to be had, and you can find it. You can get refunds and you can get justice if you go to the right places.”

Here is a sampling of some of the smart tips found in “Gotcha Capitalism”:

1. Eyeball your retirement “expense ratios.” How would you feel if you learned that fees ultimately were eating away nearly 30 percent of your retirement savings? Well, it turns out that fees are having just that effect on many diligent investors out there – so much so that they may have to continue working years longer than they expected. To combat this, Bob recommends taking a moment to look at your 401(k) statement (or similar retirement fund statement) and locate the “expense ratio” for each mutual fund you have in your account. If any of those expense ratios are more than 1 percent, then seriously consider getting your money out of those funds and
2. Live your life without regrets. Have you gotten yourself locked into an auto loan, a gym membership or a satellite television contract that you didn’t fully comprehend? If so, be aware that more and more states are adopting “regret laws” or “free-look laws.” These laws make it possible for consumers to back out of such deals after a cooling-off period of, say, three to 10 days. “It’s a really good policy to allow people to get out of something they didn’t understand,” Bob said. With auto loans, for example, you can invoke such laws to get yourself out of high-priced tack-on fees for rustproofing or unnecessary extended warranties. To find out which regret laws are on the books where you live, contact your state’s attorney general’s office or consumer affairs department. You can start the process of finding contact information for your state by clicking here (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15228784

Taking Care of Our Environment: Earth

P2 Tips for You •Air
•Dealing With Pests
•Eating
•Electronics
•Energy
•Landscaping
•Paper
•Shopping/Products
•Travel
•Vehicles
•Water
•Waste Minimization/Recycling
•General Tips, Facts and Information
Air
Leave your car at home two days a week (walk, bike, or take the bus or subway to work instead). You'll reduce carbon dioxide emissions. More clean air tips:

Protect the Environment: On the Road

Air Pollution Prevention
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Dealing with Pests
Storing pesticides and other chemicals up high in a locked cabinet -- out of reach of small children -- is an effective way to ensure that kids do not mix with dangerous chemicals.

More information:

Safe Storage of Pesticides

Before using insect repellants on your skin or in your yard, read the label first!

Outsmart and prevent pests by removing sources of food, water, and shelter before deciding to use a pesticide.

More information: http://www.epa.gov/pesticides/factsheets/

http://www.epa.gov/pesticides/controlling/index.htm

http://www.nrcs.usda.gov/feature/backyard/PestMgt.html
Mosquito Control

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Preventing Harm to the Environment - Do not dispose of gasoline, oil, or weed killers and other lawn and garden pesticides down the drain, into surface water, onto the ground, or in the trash. Check with your local household hazardous waste collection agency for safe disposal for these types of products.

Crowd out weeds the natural way- Keep your grass long. Over-seed your lawn each Fall for a thicker lawn in the Spring. Slightly longer grass, around 2½ to 3½ inches, is healthier and drought-resistant with fewer pests and weeds, which have a hard time taking root.

Many plants and insects can serve as nontoxic, natural deterrents to weeds and garden pests. Introduce ladybugs to eat aphids, plant marigolds to ward off beetles, and look for quick-sprouting plants to block weed growth.

More information: http://www.epa.gov/pesticides/regulating/disposal.htm

Household Hazardous Waste

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Eating
Eat fewer fatty fish, such as lake trout, or fish that feed on the bottoms of lakes and streams such as catfish and carp. These fish are more likely to contain higher levels of chemical pollutants.

Eat a locally produced diet. Grow your own food or support local farmers, natural food stores and food co-ops. You'll save money, eat quality foods, create jobs, increase farmlands, and strengthen your community. You also reduce pollution generated by transportation and energy costs from shipping food.

Buy domestically-produced, certified organic food. Organic farmers don't use toxic chemicals, or harmful pesticides or fertilizers. Buying locally produced food decreases on the environmental impacts of transporting food.

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Electronics
Buy Energy Star electronic equipment from manufacturers with take-back programs.

Recycle your computer.

More tips and information :

http://www.energystar.gov

http://www.eiae.org
http://www.earth911.org/master.asp?s=lib&a=electronics/elec_index.asp
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Energy
Ask your power company to switch all or some of your electricity to green power.

Look for the Energy Star label on products and equipment, you can reduce your energy bill by 30 percent and your electric lighting charges by 40 percent while cutting pollution.

Get a programmable thermostat and set the temperature up in the summer and down in the winter while you are at work.

Turn your water heater down to 120 degrees Fahrenheit. You'll cut your water-heating costs by 6-10 percent.

Keep your home appliances running at peak efficiency to save electricity, conserve resources and reduce global warming. Remove lint and dust from your refrigerator coil and freezer. Clean up lint around your dryer, furnace, and any vents leading to or from them. Change or clean the filter in your air purifier or furnace.

Paint your exterior and interior walls in a light color so more light is reflected. Paint the edges of the window in white so more light reflected inside. During the day, open blinds to bring in natural light instead of turning on lights.

More tips and information:

http://www.energystar.gov

http://www.epa.gov/p2/pubs/energy.htm

http://www.energystar.gov/index.cfm?c=heat_cool.pr_consumer_cool_change

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Landscaping
Doing major landscape renovation, time the grading and excavating projects when rain is less likely to prevent erosion and contamination of run-off water. Cover excavated materials, dumpsters, and stockpiles of asphalt, sand, and yard clippings to prevent contaminants from getting into storm drains.

More tips and information:

http://www.epa.gov/reg3esd1/garden/index.htm

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Paper
Using double-sided coping, reusing single-sided paper, using electronic mail, and circulating documents with routing slips, an organization can save a significant amount of energy and natural resources. One ton of waste paper saves enough energy to power an average home for 6 months not to mention the monetary savings from purchasing less paper.

One ton of recycled paper uses: 64% less energy, 50% less water, 74% less air pollution, saves 17 trees and creates 5 times more jobs than one ton of paper products from virgin wood pulp.

Purchase paper products containing post-consumer recycled paper.

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Shopping/Products
Use a baking soda paste as a general stain remover. Rub chalk on grease stains prior to washing. Apply butter or margarine to chocolate stains, let set at least 15 minutes and wash.

Use herbs, set out a small dish of vanilla or leave an open box of baking soda in the room as an air freshener.

Use cat litter or sand instead of salt on icy walks.

Buy products that contain recycled materials.

Buy food and other products with reusable or recyclable packaging instead of those in nonrecyclable packaging. It can reduce carbon dioxide emissions, a green house gas that is potentially harmful to the envirnment.

Buy in bulk when you can and avoid excess packaging. Even recyclable packaging requires energy and resources to create. Also look for refillable containers. Seek out concentrated products which use far less packaging.

Choose low or no-VOC paints, water-based floor sealers, and wood products from certified sustainable forests.

When asked whether you want paper or plastic bags, select the type you are more likely to reuse for other purposes, such as trash can liners, newspaper recycling or future shopping.

Some retailers like Home Depot offer suggestions for buying "green" products: ask them about it.

More tips and information:

Learn about Environmentally Preferable Purchasing (EPP)

http://www.earth911.org/master.asp?s=lib&a=shopsmart/shop.inc
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Travel
Next time you travel, look for lodging that practices conservation.

Use e-ticketing to reduce paper usage.

More tips and information:

EPA's Green Meetings Guide

http://www.greenhotels.com
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Vehicles
If you change your own motor oil, recycle it at a "quick lube" shop, gas station, or auto store that accepts used motor oil for recycling.

Check out EPA's Green Vehicle Guide. You may be surprised to know that you have cleaner more fuel-efficient choices in any vehicle size you need, even an SUV.

Keep tires properly inflated and wheels aligned to reduce tire drag on the road. Gas mileage drops 1% for every pound below the recommended level.

Don't top off the gas tank. This allows harmful chemicals to escape into the air.

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Water
Think before you pour. Many hazardous products flow from household drains through sewage treatment plants and into coastal water bodies.

Install a water-efficient shower head (2.5 gallons or less per minute), it reduces water consumption and energy used to heat the water. They pay for themselves in only four months.

Only run full loads in the washing machine or dishwasher.

Turn off water while brushing teeth and shaving.

More water saving tips: http://www.epa.gov/p2/pubs/water.htm

virtual house http://www.h2ouse.net/
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Waste Minimization/Recycling
In a lifetime, the average American will throw away 600 times his or her adult weight in garbage. This means that each adult will leave a legacy of 90,000 lbs. of trash for his or her children.

Recycling all of your home's waste newsprint, cardboard, glass, and metal can reduce carbon dioxide emissions, a green house gas, by 850 pounds a year.

Recycling one aluminum can saves enough energy to run a TV set for three hours or to light one 100 watt bulb for 20 hours.

The energy required to replace the aluminum cans wasted in 2001 was equivalent to 16 million

barrels of crude oil: enough to meet the electricity needs of all the homes in Chicago, Dallas, Detroit, San Francisco, and Seattle.

Between 1970 and 2003, one trillion aluminum cans were sent to landfills worth well over $15 billion.

Americans throw away enough aluminum every three months to rebuild our entire commercial air fleet.

Five recycled plastic bottles make enough fiberfill to stuff a ski jacket.

Improving or remodeling your home, try to buy recycled products. It reduces the amount of material going to landfills. Flooring, insulation, plastic lumber, woodwork, shingles, and many garden/lawn products are made from recycled materials.

Buy carpet made from recycled drink bottles (polyethylene terephthalate fiber). This recycled-content carpet is durable, resists moisture and staining, and requires no additional chemicals for its manufacture.

More tips and information:

EPA's Consumer's Handbook for Reducing Solid Waste

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General tips, facts, and information for consumers:
The average American needs twenty-five acres of ecologically productive land to support thier lifestyle. That's three times the world average. Want to know your ecological footprint (amount of land needed to provide all the resources and space you use, directly or indirectly, including the amount for storing and absorbing your waste and pollution)?

More information on your ecological footprint:

http://www.ecofoot.org/



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Getting involved to make a difference in your community.

•Take action - United We Serve
•Protecting Your Air
•Protecting Your Water
•Dealing With Waste
•Community-Based Environmental Protection Efforts
•Tips and Tools
•Search Your ZIP Code
•Regional Offices

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Take action - United We Serve
Adopt your Watershed: Work for clean water by joining with local organizations to monitor water quality, restore habitat, build rain gardens, plant trees, or clean up debris.

Fight Global Warming with Energy Star: Take the Energy Star Pledge to save energy, and work with community organizations to educate and drive others to take the Pledge.

Schools Chemical Cleanout Campaign: Help a local school avoid chemical mismanagement. Discuss responsible chemical management with school staff and the community, implement responsible chemical management programs, and encourage the safe removal and disposal of outdated, unknown, potentially hazardous and unneeded chemicals.

Visit Serve.gov for more ways to take action in your community.

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Protecting Your Air
Partners- Working together for Clean Air - This page describes federal, regional, state and local agencies which work together to help attain and preserve clean air in the United States.

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Protecting Your Water
American Heritage Rivers Initiative - Learn about the Presidential initiative to provide communities along these rivers with assistance to address community concerns.

Coastal Watersheds - This series of factsheets about Coastal Watersheds is now available online, featuring information about beaches, nearshore waters, coral reefs, and estuaries, and include tips on how residents can help protect the coastal watershed where they live.

Monitor the Health of America's Water - Volunteer Opportunity - Through this document, learn about water quality issues and how to get involved in citizen water monitoring programs.

Surf Your Watershed - A service to help you locate, use, and share environmental information on your watershed or community.

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Dealing with Waste
Pay As You Throw - Recycle More, Toss Less - This site is about pay as you throw programs where residents pay for trash disposal directly based on the amount of trash they generate.

Recycling Hotline : Earth 911
By simply typing in your zip code, this hotline helps you locate recycling centers "for all types of recyclables" in your community.

Superfund Community Involvement - This Superfund (hazardous waste site clean-up) Web site provides opportunities for community involvement in the clean-up process.

Superfund Community Involvement Toolkit - EPA is committed to involving community members in the hazardous waste cleanup process. One of our first steps is to provide you with quality information. You'll find resources on a variety of Superfund topics like The Community Advisory Group Program, Community Issues, and more.

The Hazardous Waste Permitting Process - Briefly defines hazardous wastes and hazardous waste management facilities in nontechnical terms. Lists laws and regulations governing treatment, storage, and disposal facilities (TSDFs). Describes permitting requirements, steps in the permitting process, and public participation.

RCRA Expanded Public Participation Rule - One of the key principles identified as essential to "reinventing government" and to improving the way EPA does business is the need to improve and expand opportunities for public participation in our decision-making processes. The RCRA Expanded Public Participation Rule promotes partnership, empowerment, and flexibility in the RCRA permitting program. En español

Waste Not/Want Not: A Guide for Feeding the Hungry Through Food Recovery - Explains how any state or municipality, as well as any private business that deals with food, can reduce its solid waste by facilitating the donation of wholesome surplus food according to the food hierarchy. Also lists ways you can join the growing food recovery movement, and provides a framework to help you protect the environment while making a difference in the daily lives and futures of hungry families across our nation.

Volunteer for Change: A Guide to Environmental Community Service (PDF) - (24 pp, 571 K, About PDF) || en español (PDF) (23 pp, 576K, About PDF) Contains examples of volunteer projects related to solid waste management, including reuse, recycling, composting, and household hazardous waste projects.

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Community-Based Environmental Protection Efforts
Smart Growth - Smart growth is development that serves the economy, the community, and the environment. It changes the terms of the development debate away from the traditional growth/no growth question to "how and where should new development be accommodated."

Green Communities - Green Communities are "sustainable communities": communities that integrate a healthy environment, a vibrant economy, and a high quality of life. This Web site provides information on how to make your community a green one.

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Tips and Tools
Planning Environmentally Aware Events - This guide outlines the key steps in planning and conducting an environmentally aware event, profiles a variety of meetings and events, and provides a checklist that can be used as a planning tool.

Find Stewardship Opportunities - Every person has the chance to make a difference by practicing environmental stewardship. Look for opportunities at home, at school, at work, in your community, and while shopping and traveling. The possibilities are endless, and the cumulative impacts of individual actions can really add up.

Software for Environmental Awareness - This Web site offers free interactive software programs covering a variety of environmental topics. Some of the software is available in Spanish.

Search Your ZIP Code - Get information about pollution emissions or releases and related information where you live.

Pick 5 for the Environment - Do more to protect the environment by choosing at least five actions you'll commit to. Pick 5 also helps you identify more actions you can take in the future.

The Great Outdoors - Stay safe and help protect the environment, just outside your door or across the country on vacation

Great Videos On Environmental Issues Part 1.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AcpImIGgu8

Biodiversity



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohcZs6x2I2Y

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbN161yBBGA

Sustainable Development
Development that meets the needs of the present without compromising the ability of future generations to meet their own needs.
This contributed to the understanding that sustainable development encompasses a number of areas and highlights sustainability as the idea of environmental, economic and social progress and equity, all within the limits of the world’s natural resources.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dghuWWw7fnw

http://www.globalissues.org/video/777/martin-khor-historic-responsibility-for-climate-change-reduction#TheVideo

(At a United Nations climate change conference, Martin Khor explains presents how to fairly share the burden of actions to reduce greenhouse gases between industrialized and developing nations considering that the historical responsibility of the climate crisis lies mostly with industrialized nations (known as “Annex 1 countries” in climate negotiation parlance).**Video clip is in link above.

Climate Justice and Equity
Last updated Sunday, October 04, 2009.

For a number of years, there have been concerns that climate change negotiations will essentially ignore a key principle of climate change negotiation frameworks: the common but differentiated responsibilities.

This recognizes that historically:

•Industrialized nations have emitted far more greenhouse gas emissions (even if some developing nations are only now increasing theirs);
•Rich countries therefore face the biggest responsibility and burden for action to address climate change; and
•Rich countries therefore must support developing nations adapt—through financing and technology transfer, for example.
This notion of “climate justice” is typically ignored by many rich nations and their mainstream media, making it easy to blame China, India and other developing countries for failures in climate change mitigation negotiations.

Development expert, Martin Khor, calculated that taking historical emissions into account, the rich countries owe a “carbon debt” because they have already used more than their fair quota of emissions.

Yet, by 2050 when certain emission reductions are needed by, their reduced emissions will still add up to be go over their fair share:

FAIR TRADE, ECO-FRIENDLY AND ANIMAL-FRIENDLY IN YOUR AREA

TORONTO
http://queenwaldorf.org/latest-updates/animal-cruelty-petition-2009.html

http://www.vitalitymagazine.com/guide_to_organics_meat

http://www.organiclifestyle.com/store-operations/toronto-based-organic-lifestyle-retail-locations/menu-id-265.html


http://www.efforts.ca/


http://www.blogto.com/toronto/the_best_health_food_stores_in_toronto/


http://www.greenontario.org/direct/groups.html

NEW YORK CITY

http://www.franksmarket.net/


http://www.lospaisanosmeatmarket.com/


http://www.theorganicgrill.com/


http://www.citidex.com/386.htm


http://www.nyc.gov/html/dep/html/home/home.shtml

LOS ANGELES

http://www.farescue.org/


http://www.treepeople.org/


http://www.unep.org/BILLIONTREECAMPAIGN/


http://greenwave.cbd.int/fr/node/1927

HOW TO DECREASE YOUR ECOLOGICAL FOOTPRINT.

1. Buy reusable bags and actually REUSE them. If you find them ugly, find a store who has pretty reusable bags such as Roots, Whole Foods, the Big Carrot and Pusateris. They should not cost over 99cents. Do not forget to wash bags once in a while if you use them for groceries. I have about 10 of these bags and they come into great use!!! I hate having plastic bags now!

http://environment.about.com/od/recycling/a/reusablebags.html

2.Use reusable mugs. Every cup you use when you buy a coffee or a latte is just thrown out! Starbucks, Second Cup and other coffee shops sell reusable mugs. Even most dollar stores sell them, and so do many stores like Walmart and Canadian Tire.

3.Stop purchasing brand names that are destroying the earth and abusing animals such as Proctor&Gamble. They own many brand names like Tide and Iams dog food but also abuse animals.
http://www.pandgkills.com/main.html
I have been boycotting them for 2 years. P&G still kill. (This goes for KFC as well, folks!)Shop for animal-friendly and energy-saving brands.

4.If you have a backyard, compost and grow more rich soil. Plus, the vegetables you grow can be used in the kitchen which saves you money! Plus maintaining a garden will give you a great hobby in the sun!

http://www.verdant.net/food.htm

5. If you smoke, put your butts where they belong, in an ashtray or in the garbage. Do not butt on the street, in parks or on the ground. Stop littering!

6. Boycott capitalism. Buy your items used (cheaper, too), reuse your own items or pass them on to someone else, or shop at small independently owned shops and mom&pop food joints. Eat a wide array of fresh foods, organic meats and whole grains--not pre-packaged, frozen foods. This is a whole industry in itself and factory food is not even healthy!

7. When you do not need any, turn off the lights in the house. Turn the heat down and wear a warm sweater and some slippers, or make a cup of hot chocolate to warm you up in the winter. Try to handwash clothes once in a while to conserve energy, cook on lower heats and if you plan to buy a car, buy an eco-friendly car like..a Prius! Or at least a Yaris.

If you do drive a gas-guzzling Hummer or something, make sure you do your part such as donating to environmental organizations, signing petitions and taking part in your citys annual vegetarian food fair or fundraisers. Try to consume less meat, wear less leather and pay attention to how big companies are abusing animals.

http://www.seql.org/100ways.cfm

Capitalism--Just So You Know..

To dissolve, submerge, and cause to disappear the political or governmental system in the economic system by reducing, simplifying, decentralizing and suppressing, one after another, all the wheels of this great machine, which is called the Government or the State. --Proudhon, General Idea of the Revolution

Capitalist society is organized around the making of profits. Masses of people work for corporations who pay them in wages only a portion of the value that they create through their labour. The rest is pocketed in the form of profits. Not only does this mean exploitation in the workplace but also that the drive for profits shapes every aspect of society. What is produced and who can consume it has nothing to do with the real needs of people but only the enrichment of a few. The laws that govern and the way they are enforced are shaped by profits. If there's money in building condos instead of affordable housing, the homeless will stay on the streets, laws will be passed to arrest them and the most brutal thugs they can find will be given guns and badges to "serve and protect" the wealthy. If it's profitable to clear-cut forests or pollute rivers and streams, then laws to protect the environment will not get passed or will be weakly enforced. In ten thousand ways, each and every day, the needs of people are trampled into the ground so that more profits can be piled up.

The vast wealth of the handful of families who really control everything in this society was built up over generations, and was created out of our blood and sweat and that of those who came before us. Early capitalist society in Europe was set up by driving poor peasants off their land and passing laws that made it a hanging offence to be unemployed. The forerunners of today's corporations amassed their wealth through the African slave trade. They seized other countries as colonies and bled them dry. They forced people in India to grow opium for export to China and, when the Chinese banned the import of this drug, sent warships to bombard their cities until their "right" to carry on this profitable business was restored. They stole the North American continent from the original Indian population and murdered tens of millions of people in the process. They imported masses of immigrants to provide them with cheap labour (as they do to this day) and kept these people down by means of the most ugly and brutal racism. They fought with their rivals in other countries over who would get the biggest share of the profits and, whenever they did, working class people were sent off to kill their brothers and sisters in other countries. Always, they have kept a part of the population unemployed and living in extreme poverty so as to intimidate those who have jobs and prevent them from winning higher wages. For generations, they have operated a system that is designed to oppress and exploit the many in the interests of the few.
2. Globalization

Despite the power that the capitalists have in their hands, people have always resisted them. After the Second World War, in the face of huge struggles that threatened their system's survival, capitalists granted independence to many of their colonies. They also were forced to recognize trade unions and put in place social programs like medicare, public housing and unemployment insurance. By the 1970s, however, these reforms were eating into their profits in a big way. The rate of return on their investments was in decline and this they could not stand for. From the mid-1970s on, capitalism has been working to take back these earlier improvements. An agenda that has become known as "globalization" has been developed to remove any and all barriers to the making of profits. Central to this strategy have been the infamous "free trade" deals that have led to the dismantling of social programs and other protections for working and poor people as so many barriers to "international competitiveness." This brand of globalization allows capital to move across borders, but not workers. This means that employers have the freedom to hunt the globe for the cheapest labour, but workers can't counterbalance this trend by relocating to improve their standard of living. Ontario Premier Mike Harris didn't cut welfare and cancel social housing construction just because he's a bag of dirt. He did it because the system he represents needs to get richer at our expense. Under capitalism, even the small gains we've previously enjoyed are under the gun.
Source: Anti-Poverty Anti Capitalism by John Clarke http://www.rabble.ca/news/anti-poverty-anti-capitalism

The Egypt IGF Forum

Today, the Internet has become indispensable social infrastructure for the activities of both people and companies. In order to ensure that it addresses changes in the social environment and technical innovation in a prompt and flexible manner, and that a free, efficient, and highly convenient Internet environment is maintained, it is essential that the Internet's current private-sector-led management structure be maintained. The healthy diffusion of the Internet should be expanded by utilizing the Dynamic Coalitions of various interested parties collaborating together that have come into being as a result of the IGF activity. If the governments of individual countries and international institutions intervene excessively in the management of an Internet that by its very nature transcends time and distance, we fear that its diffusion would be obstructed by individual countries' political opinions or other biases, and that would have a major impact on the global economy and society.

Given that the world of the Internet straddles national borders, it is difficult to prevent Net-based crime by using the laws of individual countries. To counter abuses such as the dissemination of harmful or unlawful information, the fraudulent obtainment of information, and cyberterrorism, it is important for individual countries' experts to join together to create globally harmonized norms. It is essential, also, to improve the education of the youth with regard to the desirable forms of wholesome Internet usage.
It is also desirable that concerned parties in different countries deepen their collaboration with regard to the development and diffusion of filtering and other technologies, and make continuous efforts to enhance the safety of the Internet.
On the other hand, to ensure that excessive action on security does not harm Internet openness and privacy, the parties concerned should join together to continue their dialogue concerning the sound development of the Internet society-- as reported by Nippon Keidanren

I believe that China and other countries liek Egypt and Russia with restrictive Internet access should have the freedom of speech and be allowed to voice their opinions and preferences online, whether it be through petitions or chatlines. I believe that all people should have access to technology and media news. In these times, without technology the citizens will be behind and lack the knowledge of what is going on in the world.

Wait til You Have Babies

There are practical and fun reasons as to why you should wait before you pop out a pricy, time-consuming mini-me. Other than the obvious such as you are young and inexperienced, there are others. Before you really think about juggling a baby, and future career aspirations, intimate relationships, the cost of a wedding (if you are not married, yet) and further education if you havent completed post-education (or even high school) you should consider this:

MUCH MORE SLEEP. Imagine being able to sleep in on weekends, and sleep through the night in your down duvet and your fluffiest white pillow without any interruptions other than the occasion beeping of your Blackberry. It is true bliss, and to function well you need your zZzZs!

Babies will tear you apart from the precious thing known as shut-eye. You will be up at erratic hours while you should be finishing your homework and putting on the jammies.

Spending time with the girlfriends (who do not have kids. Because we all know all she will ever talk about is...her kids). You need to bond and socialize with your BFFs and having a baby cuts your social time to nearly zero unless you want to be considered a party monster and unfit parent, although to you innocently enough, youre just catching up with some gal pals. Well, the world sees it differently. And its really fun to rewind and have some R&R, and bring up the old times. Like how glad you are you used a condom at that last party!

Look in the window of that shop. You want that bag, but with a baby you cannot afford it, not with baby formula and the cost of daycare. Being a young mama really isnt so easy, and it means likely not affording to do something everybody likes to indulge in...SHOPPING. Thats right, the hundreds of dollars you will be forking over for baby could be spent on yourself. A new purse, some well-deserved heels, a shiny belt or a few polo shirts. Well, since you had a baby so young you werent able to make it to the managerial position you had aspired to. So......you dont shop. You scrimp. And scrimp And scrimp.

Life can get stressful and you need to relax at the club or bar with your friends or a hot date. With a crying baby depending on you, say goodbye to dates and clubbing! Alcohol and parenting dont mix very nicely, and the last thing you need is the smell of rum on your breath as you serenade your little tyke with lullabies. Yeah, so even though you say you are not the Party Type, everybody can benefit from a social gathering of some sort whether it be a fun gala or a full blown hotel party with the limos and the Christian Louboutins. Just face it--juggling a baby and trying to Shake It Down Low just wont work.

wait until you are THIRTY!

Who Says Dykes Don't Have Style?!

My baby loves cashmere scarves!!!! And guess what? So do I!

I am a fashionista and a seriously sick shopaholic. I could OD in malls and boutiques shops. Good thing I don't live in L.A or Milan or I'd have a big hole the size of a moon crater in my bank accounts!!! I live in Toronto and the shopping is mediocre. Luckily, if I can't find it in a store in Toronto, I can buy it online from the designer or store itself. So ha! Thank God for technology. But my fiancee and I are quite a stylish duo, if I may say so, myself. We both shop on a regular basis. I like things that people haven't already taken and blown up to pathetic proportions like Coach bags with the logo and TNA sweatpants or big, chunky D&G shades. I like things that are quirky and weird but stylish, and my European partner likes things that have a beautiful cut, are European and of high quality, silks and cashmeres and the such. She feigns being allergic to cheap fabrics, and loves Armani, Le Chateau and her sunglass style is black Bulgari aviators. Me, on the other hand, I love comfy yellow Ron Herman 'Free City' sweats with tall UGGs and a thick, cableknit cardigan. My shades are clear John-Lennon style Guccis, though I was rocking a pair of tinted D&G oversized aviators before I threw them at the harbourfront in a fight with the lady. (Happens to the best of us!) We love shopping, and yes we got style. Here is what's hot for us!

Me: I love my UGGs. Some people can say they are 'so last season' but I think they're just mad because they can't afford them! (Sorry if that was cocky, I actually saved up for them! ^^ I'm not Kate Moss!!!! in photo). I love them because they are super comfy and they look good with all my sweatpants, jeans and leggings. You just need the spray to maintain them, and they are a good investment especially for cold, frosty Canadian winters! I love my UGGs, I rock the tall chocolate ones and I don't think I'm getting tired of them yet!

These John-Lennon looking shades make me look like Jay-Z for some reason, but anyways, that weird fact aside, I love these Gucci shades. They cost me around $330 without tax, but they were worth the splurge. Everybody has the same style of shades, either dark black square things or these big bling-bling shades, but these were subtly stylish and I like them because when I wore them everybody was like "Ewww.." but after a while theyre like..."You know, those really suit you" and I like that they'd never ever ever want to wear a pair! I think I deserved a pair of Guccis. I wouldn't have forked over the cash for a regular pair of shades, but these were love at first sight. I call them my John Lennons.

<--- This Marc Jacobs bag I fell in love with almost immediately. I don't like bags that look like they came fresh from a snake's skin in the Amazon, or something with bright pinks and blues and C's scrawled all over it like a kindergarten art project. I wanted a HUGE, simple f---ing bag. And this bag does it. Nope, I haven't bought it yet because I'm having trouble locating it (ah, if only I lived in New York City!), but I'm going to try my best. I like a simple bag, and this is so me. Plain, in your face, obviously talented Marc Jacobs and obviously pricy. I love it. My thing is spending too much on things like this, I have no reasoning for it other than I.MUST.HAVE.IT!

My fiancee has a very masculine style, she shops in the Men's section. They do usually have a nicer selection of clothes. Sweaters like this one from Armani Exchange are catching her eye right now, and she's stocking up, although mostly in darker colours. She likes the AX belts and jeans as well too! I must say, she makes one dapper girl!

And last but not least, paper boy hats and creamy leather jackets with jeans are my fiancee's staples. She loves leather jackets and rocks them well. The paper boy hats are the only hats that actually look good on her. =)

So there, dykes have style! Another stylish pair are my sister and her European partner who don jackets from Danier leather, love Lacoste and have a host of beautiful Calvin Klein and Ralph Lauren sweaters and Diesel and David Bitton jeans. Style is inevitable when you're a dyke, because you have the best of both worlds--you can shop in both men and women's fashion without breaking any crazy boundaries. A man's tartan longsleeve shirt would look good on your studly partner with straight-legged jeans, or on you as a femme, with opaque leggings and four-inch Jimmy Choos! ;)

Being "OUT"

It's a touchy subject. It really is, and I can understand the fear of coming out for millions of homosexuals across this world. Coming from a Caribbean family, it is not easy ..even when I am not the first homo in the family..to come out to the family! I'm out to the rest of the world, kissing my fiancee and holding her in public, and definitely not being ashamed of our beautiful relationship. But as my family continues to acknowledge her as 'your friend', it makes me wonder if my very real relationship will ever be accepted.

I already have a very dysfunctional, uncommunicative family and it isn't easy to talk about being gay at all. It has never been discussed and I doubt it ever will. Even with my fiancee's traditional European family, things are hush-hush even though their butch daughter is an obvious lesbian. I don't know what is so horrible about it, you'd think parents would be happy that we weren't getting pregnant and fucking the whole football team at age 15! If their worried about procreating--well lesbians like kids too! Hell, I have one heck of a strong baby fever! And as for the male 'breadwinner' status, well with both of us being educated for successful careers, making over 100k a year, I'm sure we'll be able to afford a home and a car and live comfortably. What is it that the parents dislike about their family members being gay?

I wish there was more publicity and information for parents for understanding the dynamics and the life of a lesbian or gay family member and how it doesn't really differ at all! If they could learn to accept it, it would make it easier for everybody!

There are many great organizations and websites dedicated to the 'coming out' of lesbians and gays, and I think the 'coming out' stories are very brave and helpful for others stuck in the closet. For gays and lesbians with brutal, strict and homophobic parents to those with traditional, religious parents and bullying siblings and ignorant cousins, I really hope that they will some day feel comfortable with their own families and their sexual orientation. I really do.

10 years ago, when I was 17, I had my first gay experience, which confirmed my feelings for the same sex, although I had known for some time before this. Hopelessly in love, I was clumsy with my discretion, and my sister had found a letter from my boyfriend, Chris. My parents did not take to it at all, and I was sent for recourse with a psychologist for over a year, and I never did see or hear from Chris again. My mother died about a year later, which filled me with guilt, although I had no responsibilty for her death. My relationship with my father has been strained for years, and I decided to move to overseas, and begin my own life. I was always angry with the way things turned out - that is, that nothing was on my terms, everything was decided for me by my family. However, after years of resentment and fury, I realized that I had nothing to be angry about at all - for it was all wasted emotion, when I should have been spending my time more wisely on thing that did matter to me. Since moving away, it has brought my father and I closer, however, I am still at a distance with my sister - should this change, I would very much like it, but she needs to make the first change within herself. ASHTON- as told to rslevinson.com

I found these two articles very helpful!.

http://comingout.outgaylife.com/2009/08/11/telling-parents-gay-lesbian/ and

http://comingout.outgaylife.com/2009/08/12/coming-easy/

Lesbians with Sons

You see them everywhere in New York City and increasingly in the suburbs, in a family tableau that is at once new and age-old: two mothers and the child they share. Rosie O'Donnell's crusade for homosexual adoption may have dominated the news, but lesbians and gay men have always had children in all sorts of family configurations—whether through adoption, previous heterosexual relationships, or (increasingly) by choosing to have biological offspring as out men and women. Only in the last decade, however, have they shouldered themselves front and center into the group photo of the American family.
It is hard to say precisely how much company Rosie has, or how large the playgroup of children being raised by LGBT parents is. No demographic studies have been performed to determine anything close to an exact population, and numbers extrapolated from academic studies vary wildly. Lisa Bennett, deputy director of the FamilyNet project at the Human Rights Campaign, cites an analysis of past research by the American Academy of Pediatrics and sociologists Judith Stacey and Timothy Biblarz that estimates there are between 1 million and 9 million American children under age 18 living with gay parents. As for how many parents these kids have, Stacey and Biblarz project there are somewhere between 800,000 and 7 million lesbian, gay or bisexual parents. The very notion of a reliable count of LGBT parents is incendiary, because neither the government nor any research institution has dared to fund a conclusive study.
No matter their numbers, these parents are setting legal precedents and causing persistent, low-grade social outrage. In February, when the Alabama Supreme Court denied a lesbian mother custody of her children by her marriage to her ex-husband, Judge Roy Moore achieved new heights of homophobic rhetoric with his claim that the mother's lesbian relationship made her an unfit parent prima facie and that homosexuality is "destructive to a basic building block of society—the family."

Earlier this year, in a public decision that might not move Judge Moore but could help out Rosie and the myriad lesbian mothers of Park Slope, the American Academy of Pediatrics declared that "children who are born to or adopted by one member of a same-sex couple deserve the security of two legally recognized parents." Said the academy in a statement: "A large body of professional literature provides evidence that children with parents who are homosexual can have the same advantages for health, adjustment and development as can children whose parents are heterosexual."
The AAP is sanctioning the inevitable. Children from so-called "alternative families" are busting out all over. Last fall the New York Post's Page Six threw a little baby shower of its own: a news item about several high-profile women who are unattached to men but are intimately attached to other mothers. Rosie's partner, Kelli Carpenter, is said to be pregnant. Not to mention Lindsay and Melanie on Queer as Folk, whose son, Gus, is fathered by the show's sulky protagonist, Brian. Among lesbian moms, we've even encountered that unfortunate fact of human relationships, de facto divorce: Rocker Melissa Etheridge shares custody of her kids with her ex, Julie Cypher; David Crosby is the father.
The greatest cultural change may stem not just from the sexual orientation of those two moms but from the sex of their child. According to the latest information from Xytex and California Cryo, the two largest sperm banks in the United States, the anecdotal conviction that lesbians who get pregnant via donor insemination are more likely to give birth to boys rather than girls is not true. But all women who choose to undergo donor insemination have at least a 50 percent chance of bearing sons.
That two women could raise a boy to a man without warping his manhood is an idea that challenges the preconceptions of politicians, psychologists, pediatricians, priests, and patriarchs. And what is even more revolutionary, lesbian mothers may be raising better boys.
As a research psychologist in San Francisco, I've long been fascinated with the sons of lesbians. Since 1996, I've studied the lives and characters of 16 pre-adolescent boys, all of them the sons from birth of lesbian couples. I compared them with 16 boys in heterosexual families. I've talked for countless hours with the sons of lesbians, and watched them play and interact with their siblings, their friends, and their mothers. I've interviewed their mothers, too—strong, professional, middle-class women in intact relationships. (Some are the biological mothers of their sons; others are what I call social mothers.) None of the boys had dads in the house, and only a few had a Queer-as-Brian sperm donor down the street, but all of them had men in their lives: coaches, uncles, neighbors, admirable figures from sports or history.
How does a boy figure out to be a boy without a full-time man around to show him? That question is perhaps the central family issue that Americans debate today. Thanks to the teenage terrorists at Columbine, the high divorce rate, and the rising proportion of males being reared in fatherless homes, our society has been in a froth about the condition of America's young males, who (no matter their parenting) seem prey to confusion, resentment, and destructiveness. If only fathers were more fatherly, we are told, boys would learn to be good men. Sons of lesbians would seem to offer a perfect test for the apparent culture-wide trauma of the delinquent father.

Sure, I'm a boy. I do boy things like play ball and stuff. I look like a boy. What else would I be?" asked nine-year-old Ned,* the son of Caroline, 35, a speech therapist, and Kate, 37, a systems analyst. From my first encounters with Ned and boys like him, I was witnessing them devise a boyhood using not just social cues but what seemed like innate male-identity-building talents. Whether he was riding the wind down a hill on a skateboard, pumping on his Rollerblades, or playing just about anything with a ball, he projected a joyful boyishness. Steven, age seven, the only son of Hannah, a 34-year-old physician's assistant who lives with her partner, Carol, a 42-year-old attorney, knew his father but rarely saw him. Steven loves baseball, plays the game, collects baseball cards, and enjoys going with Carol to see the Giants play. Eight-year-old Carl, whose father lived in another state, loves to build complicated spaceships with his Legos and run races with his neighborhood friends or playmates in his after-school program. Ned, Steven, Carl, and all the other boys in my study refuted—to a man—the notion that boys raised by women will shrink from challenge and be unable to identify or connect with their own power.
The boys' mothers affirm, even relish, their sons' boyishness. "You know, I like seeing Ned wrestle with his friends," Caroline told me. "But I also like the fact that he's not a thug out to humiliate them. I just don't see an oppressive power struggle when he's roughhousing with his friends." Hannah calls Carl "my budding entrepreneur": He wants to send his Lego spaceships to the Lego company and is sure he'll win a prize. So much for the myth that lesbians hate men and might undermine their sons' masculinity. Engendering what I call "boy power"—a generous, confident sense not of masculine entitlement but of natural male possibility—is not merely the patented practice of dads. It is an equal-opportunity opportunity.
But even if the brains of boys are wired as they are from birth, don't they need grown-up men to show them the way? Whether from the stuff of his own life or from more remote figures, each boy I studied could, as it were, roll his own role model. Some have models close to home, either their biological fathers or other males they are related to. Others become close to men their mothers have deliberately introduced into the family circle for the boys' benefit. I found that most had more male figures in their lives than boys from the heterosexual families I studied, where the father was often the sole adult male in his son's life.

As a small child, nine-year-old Henry had picked out a special guy who worked in his after-school program. He would hang on the man's leg when his mother would come to take him home; when he was older, he adopted some of the man's characteristics, such as the way he wore his hat or waved his arms when he was excited. Kenny, 11, had connected with his soccer coach. Evaluating aspects of men he knew, Kenny declared his Hebrew tutor to be very smart—but he'd rather be a veterinarian, like his (male) neighbor. Some boys invented or summoned up other admirable males from the world of sports as well as real-life heroes or fictional characters, from Jim Davis, the creator of the cartoon Garfield, to Thomas Edison and Harry Potter. Ned was fascinated with the basketball star Kobe Bryant, whom he admired not only for his prowess but for his sportsmanship.
Some may say that these boys' reliance on cartoon, fantasy, and media figures is pitifully inadequate, offering no opportunity for real boys-to-men interaction, growth, and learning. But my observations suggest that these boys are forging healthy, well-integrated masculine identities whether they actually meet their role models or not. And if boys can construct a father as needed, they contradict the default belief of mental-health professionals, social scientists, and the culture at large that their fatherlessness thrusts them ipso facto into social and psychic danger. All mothers raising boys without men around could be heartened by that.
When these boys imagined what it would be like to have a father around, most declared almost immediately that they thought a dad would be "strict" with them. The father of Kenny's best friend, Ian, always wanted to be a pro golfer but never was. Now he was pushing Ian, making him practice all the time. "I wouldn't want a dad like that," Kenny told me. "He doesn't give Ian a chance to be a kid. I have more choices than Ian. I can play soccer, baseball, and football. All Ian can do is practice his golf swing." Lesbian-parented boys are less likely to be terrorized by that golf swing—and more likely to feel integrated into a post-feminist culture that celebrates sensitivity and openness.
Are sons of lesbians different in any way from the sons of heterosexual parents I studied? Yes—and the impact is mostly positive. Boys with lesbian parents are undoubtedly more self-aware. My study corroborated findings by psychologists Valory Mitchell and Ann O'Connell that boys and girls with lesbian or gay parents are more adept at communicating their feelings and exhibit more empathy for people different from themselves.

They learn early how to negotiate the outside environment, gauge other people's motives, and assess how open they dare to be in specific situations. Yet stigmatization may matter less than how children react to it. I saw how, with enough support from their families, these boys were developing skills at thinking independently and standing up for what they believed. This distinguishes them from many boys with straight parents.
Perhaps as a by-product of the discrimination they face, sons of lesbians tend to be more sensitive to others and more sensitive to the good and bad feelings in themselves, as psychologist Charlotte Patterson found as early as 1996. The boys in my study also tended to be more thoughtful and measured in how they exert themselves in the world. When Henry told me the story of David and Goliath, he concluded by saying, "Well, I like David's strategy. I mean, Goliath is one of those guys that just goes out there and hits. David thinks about it, uses his mind and brute force." Henry applied David's approach to the politics of his own playground. He won't shoot from the hip, but he won't wimp out, either.
So will they grow up to be gay? That question pierces the dark heart of cultural anxiety around LGBT parenting. Its very supposition is problematic. Certainly, sons of lesbians ponder sexual orientation, including their own, at an early age. I heard a few worry that because their mothers were gay they would have to be, too. But others were more matter-of-fact. "I'm too young to think about that," Kenny said to me. "I'll know if I'm gay or straight when I'm older." Based on the evidence offered by their boyhoods, most sons of lesbians will ultimately grow up to be straight, if only because most boys grow up to be straight. If we believe that homosexuality is neither a choice nor an unlucky orientation, then we can relax and trust that these young men will find out what possibility comes naturally to them. Unquestionably, they will have to establish the terms of their sexuality with more self-consciousness than most other young adults. I did find that they related to other females (myself included) with great respect and openness, which augurs well for romantic relations as adults.

The sons of lesbians I studied promise to offer us the best characteristics of men, as well as the ones we most value in women. Growing up without ingrained, preordained ideas of gender roles, they look for and find traditionally masculine and feminine attributes in their mothers. When they pitch in with cooking, cooking becomes a masculine activity. Nothing is forbidden to them—including the prospect of exploring their sexuality, no matter where it ultimately leads them, with generosity and creativity. Their innate maleness ratified by their mothers, these boys are learning a language of emotional literacy never before documented in our sons. Metaphorically and literally, they will move into manhood willing to ask for directions.

-originally written by Peggy. F. Drexler for http://www.villagevoice.com/