Being "OUT"

It's a touchy subject. It really is, and I can understand the fear of coming out for millions of homosexuals across this world. Coming from a Caribbean family, it is not easy ..even when I am not the first homo in the family..to come out to the family! I'm out to the rest of the world, kissing my fiancee and holding her in public, and definitely not being ashamed of our beautiful relationship. But as my family continues to acknowledge her as 'your friend', it makes me wonder if my very real relationship will ever be accepted.

I already have a very dysfunctional, uncommunicative family and it isn't easy to talk about being gay at all. It has never been discussed and I doubt it ever will. Even with my fiancee's traditional European family, things are hush-hush even though their butch daughter is an obvious lesbian. I don't know what is so horrible about it, you'd think parents would be happy that we weren't getting pregnant and fucking the whole football team at age 15! If their worried about procreating--well lesbians like kids too! Hell, I have one heck of a strong baby fever! And as for the male 'breadwinner' status, well with both of us being educated for successful careers, making over 100k a year, I'm sure we'll be able to afford a home and a car and live comfortably. What is it that the parents dislike about their family members being gay?

I wish there was more publicity and information for parents for understanding the dynamics and the life of a lesbian or gay family member and how it doesn't really differ at all! If they could learn to accept it, it would make it easier for everybody!

There are many great organizations and websites dedicated to the 'coming out' of lesbians and gays, and I think the 'coming out' stories are very brave and helpful for others stuck in the closet. For gays and lesbians with brutal, strict and homophobic parents to those with traditional, religious parents and bullying siblings and ignorant cousins, I really hope that they will some day feel comfortable with their own families and their sexual orientation. I really do.

10 years ago, when I was 17, I had my first gay experience, which confirmed my feelings for the same sex, although I had known for some time before this. Hopelessly in love, I was clumsy with my discretion, and my sister had found a letter from my boyfriend, Chris. My parents did not take to it at all, and I was sent for recourse with a psychologist for over a year, and I never did see or hear from Chris again. My mother died about a year later, which filled me with guilt, although I had no responsibilty for her death. My relationship with my father has been strained for years, and I decided to move to overseas, and begin my own life. I was always angry with the way things turned out - that is, that nothing was on my terms, everything was decided for me by my family. However, after years of resentment and fury, I realized that I had nothing to be angry about at all - for it was all wasted emotion, when I should have been spending my time more wisely on thing that did matter to me. Since moving away, it has brought my father and I closer, however, I am still at a distance with my sister - should this change, I would very much like it, but she needs to make the first change within herself. ASHTON- as told to rslevinson.com

I found these two articles very helpful!.

http://comingout.outgaylife.com/2009/08/11/telling-parents-gay-lesbian/ and

http://comingout.outgaylife.com/2009/08/12/coming-easy/

Lesbian and Gay Rights in Turkey

U.S.-based Human Rights Watch this week published a damning report on the treatment of gay people in Turkey. Turkey is one of the few Muslim countries in which homosexuality is legal. But the report said there was a crisis, citing an alarming level of public attacks and police harassment. This comes as the country's gay rights movement has become increasingly stronger, particularly in Turkey's largest city Istanbul, from where Dorian Jones sends us this report.
"We are in front of my boyfriend's apartment building, and we were coming here with a friend," recalled Turkey resident Emre Can. "Two men followed us. Apparently they saw us kissing so they were offended by that, somehow. They attacked us right where are we standing now. They threw a full beer bottle at us and yelling and screaming, all sorts of slurs, so now I do feel kind of edgy when I go outside."
Emre Can's experience is an all too frequent occurrence for gay people living in Istanbul. According to a report published by U.S.-based Human Rights Watch, Turkey's gay community lives in a climate of violence.
But as Bora Bengusin from the Istanbul gay rights group Lambda explains, it is not only attacks by the public that pose a threat.
"More than 12 police officers came to our office," he noted. "They did not find anything which is a criminal offense. But despite this fact, they took our documents about our financial systems and membership systems."
The police accuse Lambda of using its premises for prostitution, because transvestites and transsexuals were seen visiting the center.
These raids, however, are the least of Lambda's worries

Istanbul's governor has started proceedings to have the group closed down for violating public morality. Turkey's loosely worded laws on decency are frequently used by the authorities to crack down on gay groups.
Bora Bengusin blames the recent crackdown on the higher profile gays have obtained in Turkey.
"As much as we try to be more visible, pressures over us increase at the same level," he added. "If we live closed behind the doors nobody says anything to us. If you want some rights, if you want the state to recognize us, our sexual orientation and our gender identities then pressure increases at the same level. They don't want us to be visible in the society and in the streets in the public area."
Earlier this month in Ankara, the gay society held a meeting to tackle the problem of anti-gay attitudes Turkey. The head of Turkey's parliamentary human rights commission attended, despite strong condemnation from the religious media.
Though their attendance was key, Human Rights Watch's Scott Long, who spent three years compiling a report on the situation facing gays, says the government has to do more.
"There is a systematic pattern of violence by the police and in the communities in the family, gay men face and transgender people face violence at every hand," he said. "There is still vaguely written laws to arrest and harass anyone they chose. In Ankara the capital, there is a special police team called Balios which means hammer, and again and again transgender people told us that they've been beaten, that they've been raped by this police team and it's goal is to clean the center of the city of transgender people. And most conspicuous of all, the government does not intervene to stop it."
The Turkish security forces have strongly denied such charges. But it is not difficult to find accusations of police brutality from the country's transsexual and transvestite community.
In one of Istanbul's recently opened gay bars, transexual Gul, 50, sits drinking tea. She is a well known figure in the city's transsexual transvestite community. Gul, whose home was recently raided by the police, says life is becoming increasingly difficult for people like her.
"On the night of May 15 I heard a banging on my door when I opened the door a dozen armed police with batons and shields stormed in. They searched my house without a warrant and took me to the police station. I wasn't even allowed to speak to my lawyer. Gul said, ever since last year's new anti-terror law - which gives the police power to enter anyone home without a warrant - they have been using this against people like ourselves. The Islamic AK city authorities are trying to force us out of the center of the city."
A European Union report this month on Turkey's membership bid raised concerns over the slow pace of human rights reforms. Observers warn the outcome of the closure case against Lambda, along with Human Rights Watch's critical report will no doubt add to those concerns. -voanews.com