Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Keeping It Together







As the daughter of a heterosexual couple whose marriage fell apart before I was even born (while I was in utero, actually); the matter of marriage and couples staying together is very important to me. Why? Because it affects the children, that's why. And as someone who is in a loving, passionate relationship that I want to last all eternity (we are engaged at this point) and continue to be a source of happiness, I understand it takes work to keep marriages and relationships together. I want couples to stay together--whether you are straight, homosexual or transgendered. It's important. Think of the kids!

Here are some of my own tips to keeping the marriage/relationship together: Be social! Have friends, go out and look good, and have a life. Don't be too social where you are too drunk to go to work, or you're on your cellphone 24/7. But have some sort of a social life you can be part of, and your spouse/partner.

Look sexy. I think we forget once we are in a long term relationship to look attractive. I forget sometimes too and I get a little too comfy in my Lululemon yoga pants. But dressing up, showing some skin and being seductive goes a long way to keeping your spouse/partner interested. Wouldn't you like them to always be attractive too?

Communicate. Duh. But really, I'm not talking about long debates about the turn of the century and such, just small communication is key. Acknowledge when they want a kiss, a hug, an ear to hear about their stressful day, a story from the past--talk, joke around and use your body language. Wrap your arms around your loved one in the morning when you're both in the kitchen,, spank her butt, kiss her neck, nod when she tells you about how stupid the landlord is for hiking up the electricity bill again---pay attention to your spouse/partner when they are speaking to you!!! Don't ignore them and stare at the TV or laptop. Always make them feel important.

Do things together--spontaneous things. Even with my fiance, we always do the same thing--we are always downtown. So we decided to take a 10 day trip up North to Muskoka, and come back and go to Canada's Wonderland (similar to Disneyland) where we could ride fun roller coasters together--something we haven't done in our relationship before. It's good to dream up new things to do together--big or small. Try playing a new board game like Scrabble if you're both avid spellers, try painting a mural on the wall together, joining a salsa class, going on a summer cruise, or if it's cold going ice-skating and out for a hot chocolate. If you're always inside, do something outdoors like going to a Wildlife Conservative. If you're always outside, try doing something inside together like having a hot bath or shower together with candles and incense. And don't do it once in a while--think of new things to do with each other all the time!

Share the child-care duties. Women are overburdened with the children. If you want the dads to be there, let him do things his way with the kids. If he doesn't know how, teach him gently and patiently like you would expect your parents to when you were learning how to ride a bike or read a book. Allow the dad/spouse/partner to enjoy every moment with you--let him dress, play and take care of the kids his way. And do things together as a family always. Eat dinner at the table, go for evening walks, go to the circus. A family that does things together, stays together. The children need two parents, and it's alot easier for both of you. Don't feel guilty when you have to hire a babysitter to spend some romantic time together--you're adults too. You're children will appreciate having two parents when he's older than having only one who was working her/his butt off.

Listen to each other. Stop being insecure, he's not interested in another girl! He's just looking. Get over the small things. They are not worth fighting over. Stop complaining in general. Look at the positive in life---try to have a sunnier disposition when you wake up every day. Be grateful for your partner/spouse, for being alive and healthy, for everything you have in your life. Try to quit bad habits if it is interfering with your relationships. Get to know his/her music tastes and suggest going to his favorite band's concert together. Be open minded, be generous and be thoughtful. I think that these things might just help.

If you don't remember anything I said remember this:
#1 communicate the small stuff--nods, butt pinches, etc
#2 stay attractive - wear that LBD or some sexy panties around the house
#3 be spontaneous- try new things with your partner to keep up the fun factor

1 comment: