Being "OUT"

It's a touchy subject. It really is, and I can understand the fear of coming out for millions of homosexuals across this world. Coming from a Caribbean family, it is not easy ..even when I am not the first homo in the family..to come out to the family! I'm out to the rest of the world, kissing my fiancee and holding her in public, and definitely not being ashamed of our beautiful relationship. But as my family continues to acknowledge her as 'your friend', it makes me wonder if my very real relationship will ever be accepted.

I already have a very dysfunctional, uncommunicative family and it isn't easy to talk about being gay at all. It has never been discussed and I doubt it ever will. Even with my fiancee's traditional European family, things are hush-hush even though their butch daughter is an obvious lesbian. I don't know what is so horrible about it, you'd think parents would be happy that we weren't getting pregnant and fucking the whole football team at age 15! If their worried about procreating--well lesbians like kids too! Hell, I have one heck of a strong baby fever! And as for the male 'breadwinner' status, well with both of us being educated for successful careers, making over 100k a year, I'm sure we'll be able to afford a home and a car and live comfortably. What is it that the parents dislike about their family members being gay?

I wish there was more publicity and information for parents for understanding the dynamics and the life of a lesbian or gay family member and how it doesn't really differ at all! If they could learn to accept it, it would make it easier for everybody!

There are many great organizations and websites dedicated to the 'coming out' of lesbians and gays, and I think the 'coming out' stories are very brave and helpful for others stuck in the closet. For gays and lesbians with brutal, strict and homophobic parents to those with traditional, religious parents and bullying siblings and ignorant cousins, I really hope that they will some day feel comfortable with their own families and their sexual orientation. I really do.

10 years ago, when I was 17, I had my first gay experience, which confirmed my feelings for the same sex, although I had known for some time before this. Hopelessly in love, I was clumsy with my discretion, and my sister had found a letter from my boyfriend, Chris. My parents did not take to it at all, and I was sent for recourse with a psychologist for over a year, and I never did see or hear from Chris again. My mother died about a year later, which filled me with guilt, although I had no responsibilty for her death. My relationship with my father has been strained for years, and I decided to move to overseas, and begin my own life. I was always angry with the way things turned out - that is, that nothing was on my terms, everything was decided for me by my family. However, after years of resentment and fury, I realized that I had nothing to be angry about at all - for it was all wasted emotion, when I should have been spending my time more wisely on thing that did matter to me. Since moving away, it has brought my father and I closer, however, I am still at a distance with my sister - should this change, I would very much like it, but she needs to make the first change within herself. ASHTON- as told to rslevinson.com

I found these two articles very helpful!.

http://comingout.outgaylife.com/2009/08/11/telling-parents-gay-lesbian/ and

http://comingout.outgaylife.com/2009/08/12/coming-easy/

Lesbian and Gay Rights in Turkey

U.S.-based Human Rights Watch this week published a damning report on the treatment of gay people in Turkey. Turkey is one of the few Muslim countries in which homosexuality is legal. But the report said there was a crisis, citing an alarming level of public attacks and police harassment. This comes as the country's gay rights movement has become increasingly stronger, particularly in Turkey's largest city Istanbul, from where Dorian Jones sends us this report.
"We are in front of my boyfriend's apartment building, and we were coming here with a friend," recalled Turkey resident Emre Can. "Two men followed us. Apparently they saw us kissing so they were offended by that, somehow. They attacked us right where are we standing now. They threw a full beer bottle at us and yelling and screaming, all sorts of slurs, so now I do feel kind of edgy when I go outside."
Emre Can's experience is an all too frequent occurrence for gay people living in Istanbul. According to a report published by U.S.-based Human Rights Watch, Turkey's gay community lives in a climate of violence.
But as Bora Bengusin from the Istanbul gay rights group Lambda explains, it is not only attacks by the public that pose a threat.
"More than 12 police officers came to our office," he noted. "They did not find anything which is a criminal offense. But despite this fact, they took our documents about our financial systems and membership systems."
The police accuse Lambda of using its premises for prostitution, because transvestites and transsexuals were seen visiting the center.
These raids, however, are the least of Lambda's worries

Istanbul's governor has started proceedings to have the group closed down for violating public morality. Turkey's loosely worded laws on decency are frequently used by the authorities to crack down on gay groups.
Bora Bengusin blames the recent crackdown on the higher profile gays have obtained in Turkey.
"As much as we try to be more visible, pressures over us increase at the same level," he added. "If we live closed behind the doors nobody says anything to us. If you want some rights, if you want the state to recognize us, our sexual orientation and our gender identities then pressure increases at the same level. They don't want us to be visible in the society and in the streets in the public area."
Earlier this month in Ankara, the gay society held a meeting to tackle the problem of anti-gay attitudes Turkey. The head of Turkey's parliamentary human rights commission attended, despite strong condemnation from the religious media.
Though their attendance was key, Human Rights Watch's Scott Long, who spent three years compiling a report on the situation facing gays, says the government has to do more.
"There is a systematic pattern of violence by the police and in the communities in the family, gay men face and transgender people face violence at every hand," he said. "There is still vaguely written laws to arrest and harass anyone they chose. In Ankara the capital, there is a special police team called Balios which means hammer, and again and again transgender people told us that they've been beaten, that they've been raped by this police team and it's goal is to clean the center of the city of transgender people. And most conspicuous of all, the government does not intervene to stop it."
The Turkish security forces have strongly denied such charges. But it is not difficult to find accusations of police brutality from the country's transsexual and transvestite community.
In one of Istanbul's recently opened gay bars, transexual Gul, 50, sits drinking tea. She is a well known figure in the city's transsexual transvestite community. Gul, whose home was recently raided by the police, says life is becoming increasingly difficult for people like her.
"On the night of May 15 I heard a banging on my door when I opened the door a dozen armed police with batons and shields stormed in. They searched my house without a warrant and took me to the police station. I wasn't even allowed to speak to my lawyer. Gul said, ever since last year's new anti-terror law - which gives the police power to enter anyone home without a warrant - they have been using this against people like ourselves. The Islamic AK city authorities are trying to force us out of the center of the city."
A European Union report this month on Turkey's membership bid raised concerns over the slow pace of human rights reforms. Observers warn the outcome of the closure case against Lambda, along with Human Rights Watch's critical report will no doubt add to those concerns. -voanews.com

Raptors, We Heart You

I am taking my fiancee to a Toronto Raptors game at the Air Canada Centre (ACC) next month for her birthday. It's pretty exciting to go to the huge arena and cheer and shout with all the other die-hard fans who paid a small fortune to be there. Since they traded a few players on each time (Heat, Raptors....I did some research;) it should be very interesting to see who will win that night's game...Let's Go Raptors! Let's Go! Woot woot.

We're happy and excited to show our enthusiasm for our national basketball team by wearing Raptors jerseys and holding up signs until our hands get tired. The prospect of getting an autograph in our Lower Bowl great seats is also a possibility that keeps us grinning excitedly.

Miami Heat has good players (I don't know much about sports but these guys seem to be much talked about!!) like Dwayne Wade. He helped them beat the Grizzlies 99-93 this month.

My favourite part of the whole experience isn't really the game....(other than the score)..it's the cute dancing mascot and the music!! That just puts the icing on the cake for me. And I know my fiancee will really appreciate it and be as excited and go-hung as I am.

But yeah who will win this game? Shawn Marion and Michael Beasley from the Heat? I mean, sure they might have game (I love the sports jargon!! hehe) but the Toronto Raptors are the shit!! The teams I love are the NY Knicks and the LA Lakers, but foremost is love for my Raptors.

With Calderon, Bosh and Bargnani I'm hoping they'll kick the Heat back to Miami! I hope they give it their all and Weems, Johnson and Wright help out! HEAT VS RAPTORS November 16th 2008 and Raptors smoked them at 107-96 score. Enough said.

New York LGBT Youth Org receives $300,000 Gift From Actress

All over the world, homosexuals and trans teens and young adults know how it feels to get kicked out of your home, ostracized, bullied and hated because of your sexual orientation. They become homeless and shut out, social outcasts because their families cannot accept this. Well, thanks to Bea Arthur, the Ali Forney Centre (New York's largest organization dedicated to homeless LGBT youth) announced she would purchase a building to house 12 youth and name it in her honor.

We work with hundreds of young people who are rejected by their families because of who they are. We are overwhelmed with gratitude that Bea saw that LGBT youth deserve as much love and support as any other young person, and that she placed so much value in the work we do to protect them, and to help them rebuild their lives.” says Executive Director Carl Siciliano.
The Ali Forney Center offers emergency shelter and transitional housing in seven residential sites in New York City, and operates two drop-in centers offering food, clothing, medical and mental health treatment, HIV testing, treatment and prevention services, and vocational and educational assistance. It provides services to over 1000 young people each year. -reported by 365 Gay Newswire.

Rufus Wainwright at an Ali Forney benefit.

10 WAYS TO SHOW YOUR BOO-BOO YOU LOVE 'EM

1. Throw them a surprise birthday party (one of the cute ones with a cake and candles where everyone jumps out and yells "SURPRISE!!!" and then sings a cheery rendition of "Happy Birthday" with balloons and streamers and those party blower things that make an annoying noise. PS. Don't forget to turn on the lights when he/she arrives!

To make it EXTRA special, try baking the cake yourself!

2.Have morning sex. If they're not in the mood, they can't resist breakfast in bed or a early massage.

3. Buy them socks, and give them a kiss. Everyone always runs out of socks. They'll appreciate the gesture.

4. Make sure after you charge your Blackberry/iPhone that your beaus phone/iPod/Nintendo DS is charged too (they'll love you as they're speeding to work).

5. Scrub the tub clean and have a bath for deux...don't forget the candles and champagne!

6.If they speak an ethnic tongue, surprise them with a few foreign words (doesn't even have to be romantic!) If not, then try cooking a traditional meal from their homeland like schnitzel or cous-cous tangine.

7. Try not to let out gas in their company for a week. Yes, one week. Ah, the love will come floating back in.

8. Offer to take the dog out for a pee/poo for one week. If you own a cat, offer to pick up the cat litter (do this before they pick it up. Ahem.) If there is no pets in the house, name a birdie outside the pet name of your lover (Awww, I'll name this bird Spikey-Mikey!) (Oh, this hummingbird should be June Bug!)

9. Make a painting of your lover's face or entire being. This will illicit the need for kisses.

10. Buy a single rose. Cheesy, but timelessly ROMANTIQUE.

Celebrate..Joy...Love <3

One thing I love is same-sex weddings. It's a beautiful union, and one to be greatly celebrated. If you're with your special someone, and you are thinking of having a wedding--forget the bells and whistles, have a nice backyard or park wedding, or one in the countryside....love is a beautiful union and love lasts a lifetime. Cheers! MB